What ‘you look good’ really means.

I

 don’t trust most people. In particular, I don’t trust old friends who I haven’t met for a long time and what they say about me during that unexpected meeting in the middle of the street. It is not such a bad idea, hearing people say they missed me (they never call, though) and how good I look. But when the fellow who is this is sizing me up, eyes fixed on my shoes, lingering on my trousers, taking in the shirt and never getting to my face, I get suspicious.

Get suspicious

I get suspicious because I always get the feeling that this kind of scrutiny has nothing to do with my wellbeing, rather an attempt to gauge how well I’m doing. Money- wise. In a town where the average guy has perfected the art of impressions into a career, I suspect that when a fellow is telling me that  I look good, in his mind he is saying something else. “Look at the shoes, this ka- guy has certainly gone down market… Shs1,000? More like it… The trousers, not that bad but seems somebody has really worked on them with an iron box… Looks the part of the suit he wore during my wedding 10 years ago… My, my… the shirt is definitely Gikomba.

At the point his eyes will land on my waist as he is saying, “Man, you look good” his mind is saying, “Dude, hit the gym and forget the high- waist, only General Defao can pull it off.” And it is not lost on me that when I enter a clothing store, the attendant will mouth a polite “welcome, sir” with her eyes quickly jumping from my shoes upwards. After the quick glances she will direct me to a certain section of the shop her mind having been made up. “As far as I can tell, this guy has never spent more than Sh1,500 on himself and it is likely that he will start today.

With that I’m dispatched to the back of the shop where Sh1, 500 is the average cost of items. A very thoughtful girl, she won’t have me waste my precious time looking at items I can only afford in my dreams.