From my heart

IF ONLY WE DID NOT HAVE TO DIE.

The most wicked surprise in life is death”- Anonymous.

T

his rings true to many of us especially those who have lost a loved one. Sometimes death does not surprise, especially when you lose someone who has been critically ill for a while. I think what makes it such a dreadful thing is the finality that comes with it. No more calls to say hi; no more dinner dates, no more fighting for the remote control, no more heart- heart conversations.

Knowing that it’s over and that chapter has come to a close albeit abruptly, is the ingredient that makes death so morbid. Losing someone dear causes a lot of emotions to surge through you. You feel lost, sad and depressed. You even feel angry; not to mention empty. No one likes to talk about death. Not me, not you, and not even the most spiritual among us because no one

wants to die. Even the suicidal ones do not really want to die. All they want is attention- to enable them live life longer.

I’ve been thinking about death and just asked God to let me die before my remaining loved ones do so. I feel I cannot stand to lose a dear one again.

The pain may dull but it never really goes away. My prayer is just but wishful thinking, I know. People die just as others are born. I am angry at life for disregarding order, and for taking the young before the old. I wonder why young people die, why children die.

I wonder why parents die, why mothers die. My heart went back into my teen years. I will miss out on sharing my life with my dear mother, and grandparents. Why did I have to encounter the pain of death at such a young age? I wonder. When you lose a parent to death, you get mad at life. You had such high hopes of what you could do once they get better. You feel for your other parent (If he/she exists) who you have been seeing struggle for his/her partner.

You feel sorry that their friend and confidant is no longer there for them. You feel sorry for your siblings who will no longer have a mother/ father or even both. Then the overwhelming sadness that your parent will not be there to share the rest of your life and the milestones therein hits you like a bolt of thunder.

The fact is that there’s nothing in this life that’s real than death, but at that very moment that it overwhelms you, God in His loving mercy sends you the grace you need to go on. To those who are recently bereaved, I believe that there is going to be sufficient grace to see you through your pain. For today, you are here. I hope this poem will talk to you.

 

“Oh wicked death, always hovering at the door,

Never wanting to go away,

Sometimes I think you have wandered afar,

Making me forget you temporarily

Then only too soon,

I hear you knock on the door.

Sometimes gently, sometimes hard.

Yet I never open the door for you

I never want to welcome you;

Almost never

Now you rob me of my love

Then you rob of my job and strength

But hold on,

Tomorrow I will rise above you

Tomorrow I will find it in me

To have the strength to go on

To have the GRACE to live:

For live I will

For to live is what I want.”